Posted by: Mike Ferruggia | January 27, 2010


After contemplating Day 10 of the Purpose Driven Life and the concept of surrendering, I wrote this in my personal journal:

Here I am Lord. I don’t have a fucking clue. This is what I want:
1. to be financially free to practice contemplative tai chi
2. to be healthy and strong
3. to have a special woman in my life

What do you want? I accept you as my sifu and master. Teach me. Use me. Let’s do this thing. I’m ready.

I will go to work and sell shoes. I will practice tai chi. I will sit in quiet contemplation. I will live with good character. I will work to correct my sins.

What will you do?



  1. So very true. I am being tested. My friend and coworker died last weekend and I am doing my job and his job. And mourning him. I have to monitor his email for questions from customers until we can regroup and reorginaze the office. It is weird walking ito his shoes.
    I am a fan of your site. I come here and catch up about once a month. Thank you for sharing. Your tai chi life.

    • Hey Teresa,

      thanks for the kind comments. I’m sorry about your co-worker. That is a test, isn’t it, or at the very least, a learning opportunity(that phrase has been a bit co-opted by corporate culture as a nice way of telling you you f’d up and it’s a learning opportunity, but that’s an easy excuse for them to write you up. But I digress. I suppose it is in the adversity that we learn our lessons and show our true character, and develop good character, so, see it in that light, as I’m sure you are.


  2. Hi Teresa,
    Short answer–no. Long answer–part of our spirituality is, as Mike Murdoch says, and is even an integral part of tai chi, the art of recognition. He may have answered me and I didn’t hear him or didn’t recognize his answer because I may still not be “tuned” in yet to what he’s saying. The other aspect of contemplative living is being in it for the long haul, to immerse onseelf into the silence, the rhythm, and just let it be.

    One of my other revelations the other day is that in fact, like Peter, God called me three times and I said no each time, once to the Benedictines in upstate New York, once to the Benedictines in Newark, and once to the diocesan priesthood. So, perhaps God and Christ and the Holy Spirit are very present but we/I just sometimes don’t see or hear, or don’t recognize it.

    A bolt of lightning or visit from an angel wouldn’t hurt though! I admit it, I’m dense!

    And maybe He sees I’m not really ready yet…maybe I need more time to ripen. I must remember that when the time does come, it will also come with a whopper of a test, so it won’t be all wine and roses…

  3. Did God answer?

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